A Lecture on Boys
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A Lecture on Boys
     Boys are wonderful things.  They have a great many ups and downs through life before they reach manhood.  But they generally have a great many more downs than ups.
     Some boys, however, never get to be men; they just grow up to be democrats, republicans and socialists -- Methodists, Baptists -- and once in a while one makes a candidate.
     Then there are some that never make anything, and darn little of that.  The first boy that we have any account of was Cain, and every man that raises a boy generally has to raise Cain.
     When a boy makes his adventure into this old world, the doctor generally relieves his old dad of about fifteen or twenty dollars, the first thing.  Then he pulls a few more dollars out of him from time to time for curing the colic, mending broken arms and legs and doing up other wounds.
     If a boy lives to be ten years old, he gets up Monday morning feeling bad; has the same feeling Saturday morning, provided there is plenty of work for him to do.
     But just let his old dad tell him to dig some fish bait and get ready to go fishing and the little fellow will dig for three hours right out under a hot June sun and never complain.
     Between the age of ten and sixteen a boy thinks he has the hardest time of any mortal on earth.  But when he reaches sixteen he enters into a new life.  The fuz begins to sprout on his upper lip and he begins to wonder whether the girls are taking notice to it or not.  He then begins to steal out his dad's old razor every Sunday morning and get out behind the house and take a clean shave.
     A little later on he begins to want to kiss everything that looks sweet, from a wax doll to seventy-year-old grandma.
     About that time the preachers begin to get after him good and proper.  They tell him where he is going if he don't repent and do better.  Sometimes they succeed in sowing the spiritual seed in the boy's heart.  But the great trouble with some preachers, they try to force the new birth on the boy before the spiritual seed has time to develop, by persuading him to join the church and the consequences is, nine out of ten, the new birth turns out to be an abortion.  
    When the boy reaches eighteen, he begins to look out for a wife and if he succeeds in finding one, he generally finds out that he needs everything else but a wife.

Reverend Sambo Johnson

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