Modern Fashions
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Modern Fashions

     I see in a North Carolina paper where a German lecturer says that  the people of the United States are living under a petticoat government.  Now in my opinion that German does not know what he is talking about, for everybody knows that there is not enough petticoats worn in this country, especially in summer, to patch a United States flag, let alone running the government.  Now if that Dutchman had said bloomers, we wouldn't have raised any kick.
     The latest  fashion notes state that women will soon be wearing ornaments on their ankles.  Well I would just like to know what in the name of Tom Walker's speckled calf they want to do that for?  People down in Texas are through looking at ankles.
     Say folks, if those little silk skirts keep on drawing up and getting shorter, we will have to get the department of agriculture in Washington, D.C. to figure out where they are going to stop--drawing up.
     The cotton speckerlator tells us that it is short staple cotton and over production that is keeping the prices down.  Fiddlesticks, there is no overproduction about it.
     Anybody that is not blind and has a spoonful of the commonest sense, knows that it is short silk skirts and an underconsumption that has played smash with the low price of cotton.
     If half of the meat eating people of this country would cut down their consumption of meat 50 per cent, the bottom would drop out of the hog and cattle market.  Just as long as the wimmen and girls of this country use two or three yards of cotton goods to make their dresses and wear about half enuf underclose to make them comfortable and part of them silk, and many of them wearing all silk, our cotton will never sell for the cost of production.  Why?  Because there is not enough demand for it.
     The government expects to help the cotton farmers, but the first thing necessary is to induce the females to use more cotton goods in their wearing material.
     Modern fashions have played the very Old Nick with the cotton farmer.  It has caused some of our wimmen folks to wear about enuf close to wad a shotgun--just a little thin slip that you could read the Lord's Prayer through, a pair of silk sumpenorothers about the thickness of a blowed up hog bladder, a little pair of silk hoes and them rolled down below the ankils.  Its no wonder cotton is cheap.
     Why bless your soul hunny, that is enuf to make Old Pide and her calf break outen the cow pen and grieve the heart of our Savior and cause the Aingels in heaven to blush to see intelligent wimmen strutting around in such garb, in our so-called Christian nation.
     Now hunny in conclusion we want to add a few words of comfort by the way of advice.  If you are going to keep up with the latest fashions and wear ornaments on your legs the coming spring and summer and expect the he-goats and jelly beans of Bug Tussle to look at 'em, you will have to wear 'em a long ways above your ankils.
Jim Allen

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Copyright, June, 2002 by Ann Allen Geoghegan and Cheryl Tullier Young this material and the entire website may not be reproduced in any format, electronic, paper or audio nor posted on any other website without written consent of the copyright holders.  You do, however have our permission to link to this site from any site rated family safe.